From the panhandle of Florida comes a news story about a man who needed his bacon so badly he hid it where his family jewels are stored away.

A 22-year-old man from Fort Walton Beach was spotted walking around his local grocery store “looking suspicious”, according to employees on duty. Then he was spotted stuffing a three-pound package of bacon into his pants. When confronted about it, he panicked and ran to the back of the store to dump his, er, “contrabacon”. (He got arrested anyway.)

While we don’t advocate theft, we do want to point out two things we agree with:

• It’s a shame that we have to pay for bacon. We think it should be free for all citizens (and we don’t care if you think that’s socialist).
• He didn’t just grab your run-of-the-mill one-pound package of bacon; he went for the value-packed, family-size offering.

Regardless, it’s comforting to know that law enforcement is vigorously defending our bacon from those who wish to keep it all for themselves, for we all know that if we can’t keep our bacon safe, the terrorists win.